First rehearsal of 2019 – Personal Disaster

It’s been a couple of weeks since this first rehearsal of 2019 but it took me that much time to process my thoughts about it.

My first rehearsal of 2019 was a Willamette Valley Symphony Orchestra rehearsal. As well as the Salem Philharmonia, this group is looking for a new conductor and so this one was new. My first impressions of Hector are good so far. He’s nice, knowledgeable and funny, but I’ll reserve more impressions for later.

That day was probably a personal low for me when it comes to first rehearsals.

I had the music for this rehearsal from the last concert. 4 pieces, which on the outset looked normal, easy, fun!

If I had cracked the spine on those pieces more than a few times over the winter break I would have known differently. Not only is the Chausson Symphony a monster of a piece in places, but it also had a LOT of errors that needed corrected. So the first rehearsal was extra fun because guess who didn’t realize she had been sent all those corrections.

Me.

This had to be one of the lowest moments in my non-collegiate career. I left that rehearsal feeling defeated, angry with myself, and most of all embarrassed. I felt like I’d let everyone down, and in a way now, I think I did. I hadn’t lived up tot he expectations set up by the group.

What did I learn from this?

As much of a personal disaster as this rehearsal was I definitely learned something.

1. I learned that as much as my sight reading skills have improved by leaps and bounds since college, they could still be better.

2. I learned that although I’m not getting paid to be in this group, that this group deserves just as much of my personal time and attention to this music as if it was a paid gig.

3. I learned that I hate being embarrassed. I hate it with a fiery burning passion of a thousand suns. I stewed in this embarrassment and really let’s call it was it is, shame, for more than I care to admit. Being filled with that much shame for what I didn’t do to prepare for this rehearsal was so overwhelming in the moment that I realized I don’t want to feel that way again. The constant apologizing, the “don’t worry I’ll get it next time” comments, the feeling of utter “not good enough”-ness. No. Never again.

4. I learned that the key to my learning the music is actually -knowing- the music. What does this mean? If I haven’t listened to the music before rehearsal in some capacity whether it be getting ready in the morning, driving to work, while at work, or any other way, I am less likely to be successful in a first rehearsal.
   

5. I feel like this idea is a bit controversial in the classical music community. When I was in college there were some students and professors that would say you didn’t need to listen to the music before learning the piece, or even that you shouldn’t. I don’t agree with that. Sure if you are learning a solo piece and you listen too many times to the same performance you tend to make performance choices more based on what you have already heard and less on your personal interpretation of the music. But when it comes to ensembles I think that it is more beneficial to know what the music should sound like, regardless of interpretation. This way you have a head start when it comes to the first rehearsal, especially if this is your first time playing the music.

What are my plans going forward? What am I going to do to fix this?

1. I’ve made a change to my morning routine to allow me to listen to the pieces while I get ready in the morning or while I’m doing my morning mindfulness practices.

2. I’ve created a couple playlists on YouTube for the next couple of concert sets that include all the pieces we are going to play so I don’t have to worry about finding the pieces when a new concert set starts. Here are the ones for this concert set. Willamette Valley Symphony Orchestra and Salem Philharmonia

3. I’ve dedicated a couple times a week (mostly on my work breaks) to score preparation, which includes numbering measures, notating accidentals, and listening to the music as I read the music. This last one is extremely helpful for when you need to “practice” but do not have access to your instrument, but have access to the music.

4. Most obvious of all, to practice the pieces before rehearsal. I almost feel like that shouldn’t have to be said, but I’ll say it anyway. More practice.

So far these changes seem to be working. I listen to the music while I get ready in the morning and usually can get through 2 of the shorter pieces. I don’t usually listen to classical music in the car, it’s too soothing and sometimes makes me not pay attention to the road, so instead I listen to the music during work when I’m doing more mindless busy work. Dedicated a couple of my breaks a week to score preparation has really made a difference! I have felt more prepared for rehearsal, even if I didn’t get to practice for a couple of days.

I’ll make sure to post an update at the end of this concert set which will be in a couple weeks, but I’m definitely more confident than I was before.

Hope you are are having a good start to 2019. As always, aim high and keep practicing!